While I was at home this weekend my dad asked me if I'd seen the funny video circulating around the internet in which a big dog apparently starts running very quickly and its female owner actually flies through the air. I hadn't. So as he was trying to remember on which site he'd seen it, I offered, "why don't you just search Google for "dog," "woman," and "video?"

Thank god he didn't.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Photo Caption Contest!


The Rules: Each person can submit as many captions as he or she wants - do this in the comments section. The winner will be chosen by the entrant him/herself because that person will know deep down in his or her heart that his or her entry is the funniest. In addition, participation by girls is strictly prohibited.

I noticed something very strange on my morning commute the other day. On page 15 of AMNewYork (a second-tier morning rag designed to leech off of its competitor, Metro) I saw a small display ad for a pet-sitting service. The ad featured a photo of a care-free cat bounding in mid-air. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I knew in my heart - I had seen that cat before. Only when I was at work a few hours later did it hit me - the cat was taken from a campy humorous jpg that perverted co-workers and college students had been forwarding to each other for years. Someone, for reasons unknown to me (but postulated upon in the next paragraph), had used that photo for this seemingly legitimate purpose.

My hope is that some young and crafty art director used that photo in the ad so that other young crafty art directors would recognize it and give him (or her, but most likely him) a small nod of recognition by posting it on his (or her) blog. So this posting is for you, young art director. There's a whole world out there, and endless opportunities to insert phalluses, inside jokes, and references to masturbation into your work. So go out there and make me proud, but most importantly, make me laugh.

Here's a little something I made a few months back. One day at work I saw a piece of paper with some notes my boss had jotted down, and I noticed to my astonishment how much it looked like my own handwriting. I immediately took the paper and wrote the same thing in my handwriting below everything he'd written. But a few months later I realized that it was probably my handwriting to begin with. Oops.

Speaking of blogs, Google can help you dive headfirst into some pretty strange and random ones. It's easy, just search for stuff like the following:

"and there was no fucking way"

"the pain was unbearable"

"that's when it got weird"

"for years and years and years and years"

"so then I was like"

You get the idea. Any good ones? Share them in the comments.

There’s gone be some changes round these parts.

I know I used to harp on blogs but the time came when I had to admit defeat and embrace their ease of use.

I used to update this site manually, the old fashioned way, because I thought I was a purist. In much the same way some of us prefer the crackle and pop of those stupid vinyl records, I preferred to upload new content to this site via ftp and write much of the html by hand.

But do you know what that was? It was a gigantic pain in the ass. And who suffered? We all suffered. It sucked for me when I wanted to post something but was too lazy to write code for 20 minutes. And it sucked for you when you were bored - either unable or unwilling to seek out pornography - and thought that maybe you’d cruise on by the cleverest, because every once in a while - FUCK!!!! That fucker STILL hasn’t updated his website! What the FUCK is he waiting for?!?!

So now with the help of modern technology, I can upload new content to this site lickity-split without all the bullshit. But what’s reeeeally cool about “going blog” are the comments everyone can write. In fact, I strongly encourage you to leave a little something behind whenever you drop by. Don’t know what to write? Doesn’t matter. Nobody reads this shit anyway.

See you all in cyberspace!