I wish there were an Academy Awards for short films on the Web, because the Ice Cream Dance would make a clean sweep.

Friday’s “An Evening with Smyles & Fish” was a hoot! We were able to raise tens of tens of dollars, all of which will go toward the printing of our next issue. Highlights from the event can be found here.

Stop what you’re doing right now and check out the new & improved Smyles & Fish website. Guaranteed to be the best website you’ve ever seen.*

This Friday you’re invited to what will go down in history as the most thrilling literary reading of all time. All the details are here so if you find yourself in or near Chelsea at 6:30 on Friday, you have no excuse not to show up. You can even bring that weird friend of yours – you know – the one who has that thing.

For the next installment of Smyles&Fish, we’re developing a list of unspeakable acts of depravity such as The Rusty Trombone, The Dirty Sanchez, The Cleveland Steamer, and The Blumkpin. However our list is entirely made-up. Any suggestions? To the comments!

In an Earth-shatteringly perfect example of irony, my Google stunt (see below posts) has resulted in much more traffic to this site, but has also taken away my only means of profiting from it. It’s so beautiful it hurts.Screw the Beatles. All you need is irony.

It worked!!!! And much faster than I could have anticipated. Check this out:

Hello Michael Solomon,It has come to our attention that invalid clicks have been generated on the Google ads on your site(s). We have therefore disabled your Google AdSense account. Please understand that this step was taken in an effort to protect the interest of the AdWords advertisers.A publisher’s site may not have invalid clicks on any ad(s), including but not limited to clicks generated by:- a publisher on his own web pages – a publisher encouraging others to click on his ads – automated clicking programs or any other deceptive software – a publisher altering any portion of the ad code or changing the layout, behavior, targeting, or delivery of ads for any reasonPractices such as these are in violation of the Google AdSense Terms and Conditions and program polices, which can be viewed at:https://www.google.com/adsense/localized-terms?hl=en_UShttps://www.google.com/adsense/policies?hl=en_USPublishers disabled for invalid click activity are not allowed further participation in AdSense and do not receive any further payment. The earnings on your account will be properly returned to the affected advertisers.
Sincerely,
The Google AdSense Team

Hi everyone – I’d like to try a little experiment. Right now, I want you to click over there on the Google-sponsored link (it’s up and to the right – directly underneath the “Help the economy” header). No excuses – if you’re reading this now you’re obligated to click, or there’ll be big trouble. (And of course, because I’m under legal obligation to say so, please seriously consider purchasing the product or service that you are directed to.) I’m curious to try this because even after my diatribe requesting that people click the link (see previous entry), I’ve only received 5 clicks. I’ll post the results of this experiment in a few days, and any profit I receive (it’s only a few cents per click) will go directly toward getting YOU drunk the next time we hang out.

Anyone who sends text messages on their phone knows the value of pre-programed generic responses. The default set includes “Thanks”, “On my way”, and “Where are you?” but I’ve added a few more out of necessity. To the comments!

This Friday, in addition to being St. Paddy’s Day, will mark the most rockingist day in all of history, as I’ll be back behind a drumset playing Irish/folk/rock tunes in Brooklyn. The unstoppable duo of Mishti and Danielle (formerly of “Muddy Daughters” fame) will be leading the group, while the endlessly talented Paul JM lays down a bass groove so solid you might as well cancel your colon cleansing appointment for Monday morning.We’ll be at the Jam for Bread Cafe, at 333 Henry Street (corner of Pacific) in Cobble Hill, Brooklyn from 8 to 10 PM. I can’t vouch for the place but I know they serve beer and wine, so how bad could it be? Moderately bad? Horrible? Let’s find out!

This is a little snippet of a Robbin Ford song that I think would be GREAT in a commercial. Any ideas what the commercial would be like?

I just read that Yahoo has done a 180º and is now allowing people to use “Allah” in a Yahoo email address. So just for fun I checked out the following email addresses, and they’re all available:
allahbegtodiffer@yahoo.com
allahpassonthatthankyou@yahoo.com
allahmyheart@yahoo.com
allahbeinthebathroom@yahoo.com
allahbewaitingforyou@yahoo.com
They’re yours for the taking. Any others, internet?

Thanks Google!

For some reason I felt compelled to visit StarJones.com to see what I’d find. And I’m happy to report that it’s EXACTLY as I’d imagined it. That is all.

The Official Dick Cheney Hunting Accident Joke/Pun Roundup

To the comments!

Let’s all pray that the security camera footage of this finds its way onto the internet.

While Jordan and I were discussing the brilliance of Predator 2′s tagline, “He’s in town with a few days to kill,” we also admired the perfection of the 1992 classic “Dr. Giggles” and its tagline, “The Doctor is out… of his mind.” We then racked our brains for more Crazy Doctor-type taglines… To the comments!

Thanks again, Google!

This story really cracks me up.

And what especially tickles me is imagining an Aussie say “Because he’s lost a lot of weight, he’s a very narrow person, so he squeezed his way through the gap in the brick wall.”