I noticed something very strange on my morning commute the other day. On page 15 of AMNewYork (a second-tier morning rag designed to leech off of its competitor, Metro) I saw a small display ad for a pet-sitting service. The ad featured a photo of a care-free cat bounding in mid-air. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I knew in my heart – I had seen that cat before. Only when I was at work a few hours later did it hit me – the cat was taken from a campy humorous jpg that perverted co-workers and college students had been forwarding to each other for years. Someone, for reasons unknown to me (but postulated upon in the next paragraph), had used that photo for this seemingly legitimate purpose.My hope is that some young and crafty art director used that photo in the ad so that other young crafty art directors would recognize it and give him (or her, but most likely him) a small nod of recognition by posting it on his (or her) blog. So this posting is for you, young art director. There’s a whole world out there, and endless opportunities to insert phalluses, inside jokes, and references to masturbation into your work. So go out there and make me proud, but most importantly, make me laugh.
Here’s a little something I made a few months back. One day at work I saw a piece of paper with some notes my boss had jotted down, and I noticed to my astonishment how much it looked like my own handwriting. I immediately took the paper and wrote the same thing in my handwriting below everything he’d written. But a few months later I realized that it was probably my handwriting to begin with. Oops.
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Speaking of blogs, Google can help you dive headfirst into some pretty strange and random ones. It’s easy, just search for stuff like the following:
“and there was no fucking way”
“the pain was unbearable”
“that’s when it got weird”
“for years and years and years and years”
“so then I was like”
You get the idea. Any good ones? Share them in the comments.
There’s gone be some changes round these parts.
I know I used to harp on blogs but the time came when I had to admit defeat and embrace their ease of use.
I used to update this site manually, the old fashioned way, because I thought I was a purist. In much the same way some of us prefer the crackle and pop of those stupid vinyl records, I preferred to upload new content to this site via ftp and write much of the html by hand.
But do you know what that was? It was a gigantic pain in the ass. And who suffered? We all suffered. It sucked for me when I wanted to post something but was too lazy to write code for 20 minutes. And it sucked for you when you were bored – either unable or unwilling to seek out pornography – and thought that maybe you’d cruise on by the cleverest, because every once in a while – FUCK!!!! That fucker STILL hasn’t updated his website! What the FUCK is he waiting for?!?!
So now with the help of modern technology, I can upload new content to this site lickity-split without all the bullshit. But what’s reeeeally cool about “going blog” are the comments everyone can write. In fact, I strongly encourage you to leave a little something behind whenever you drop by. Don’t know what to write? Doesn’t matter. Nobody reads this shit anyway.
See you all in cyberspace!
Tonight as I got off the subway I was greeted with thick black smoke, blazing sirens, and thousands of people on the street. It seems the 99 cent store about a block from my apartment had caught fire. I had my camera, a fully charged battery, and a surprisingly absent sense of self-preservation. Enjoy the photos! (Click the photo for the gallery)
I think that blaming one of your less desirable genetic traits on the parent that passed it down to you is pointless. Let’s use big ears as an example. If a guy has gigantic ears, he’ll most likely blame his big-eared father for passing down the gene. But everyone knows that you have no control over which genes you pass down and which ones you don’t. It’s not the father’s fault he has big ears. If anything, the dude should blame his mother for marrying the big-eared freak.
I’m a big fan of “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” so I decided to try making my own “actual items.” As far as I know, “actual Items” isn’t trademarked so I’m not doing anything illegal here – unless you count my meth lab, which I’m sure you will.
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I get asked out on lots of dates (ok, so humor me). In an attempt to narrow the field I’ve created this date application page. Ladies – there’s a lot of competition out there, so be sure to write clearly and legibly. I can’t be bothered to strain my eyes reading your illegible nonsense. Gentlemen – maybe you can use this date application as a way to break the ice when you’re introducing me to the ladies.
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I just finished a year-long pet project of mine – software that converts written text into speech. I decided to post the beta version so I could get some feedback from actual users. Enjoy, but be aware, there are still some bugs I need to work out. View it here
I’ve found that having a unique and pleasant ring tone on my cellular telephone is a great way to make friends. Download my ring tone here.
Here are the photos from the legendary Tinkle Booze Cruise Click here
Gravity – A Love Story
Hey, let’s throw stuff off the roof and tape it!
Scary Movie
Perhaps not the scariest film ever produced. Written, shot, edited, and uploaded in a day.
My Room
An introduction to my old room in Allston, MA
Thank God – You Da Man
A high five to our mighty mighty lord above.
Ryan
Dedicated to a dear dear friend. Shot in London.
The News
A spoof on the news. Highly unsuccessful.
How to Become Airborne
The most fun I had in London.
Public Service Announcement
Please, do whatever you can to help..
