Uncle Rick Died

I just had a great idea for a way to teach young children about the dangers of drinking, as well as a way to help actors find work. Hear me out.

Parents will hire an actor (any ‘ol actor will do) to play “Uncle Rick.” Uncle Rick will only need to sporadically meet the kid a few times during the “role”, which will consist of the kid’s family having Uncle Rick over for dinner a few times over the course of about 3 years. The more years the kid keeps Uncle Rick in the back of his mind, the better the payoff. See where I’m going with this?…

During Uncle Rick’s visits he’ll have a few drinks. After he leaves, the parents should reiterate how sad they are to see Uncle Rick drinking so much because alcohol is bad.

Then, completely out of the blue, it will be time for the parents to sit down and tell their child that Uncle Rick died from drinking. (The details won’t be important – this is a good opportunity for the parents to improvise a little if they’d like because acting is FUN.)

Then comes the funeral, which will be designed to evoke the maximum amount of mental scarring possible for the child. I’m talking open casket (another gig for the Uncle Rick actor), bawling attendees (other actors, of course), and maybe even a tear-jerking eulogy by a very talented actor. The logistics of getting the child’s entire family in on the act can be sidestepped by simply telling the kid that “Uncle Rick didn’t get along with the rest of the family – because of his drinking. In fact, it’s probably best that you never mention Uncle Rick to anyone in the family ever again because it’s just too painful.”

And that’s that. You’ll end up with a child who never drinks and you’ll have employed a few actors long the way. Case closed. Happy ending. All that.

I’m available to travel within the tri-state area and charge between $3,000 and $7,000, depending on how many visits you require, as well as if you desire a funeral casket appearance. Makeup and travel are extra. Payment is cash up front. Unlimited alcohol is required during the visits.

Comments (9)

  1.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  +4

    Shit, you mean I could have been getting paid all this time?

  2.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  +0

    Most expensive lesson ever.

  3.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  +1

    That’s cool! You are getting payed for drinking free boose and eating free food.

  4.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  --5

    That’s a nice idea, but a bit complicated. I would prefer to show to my kids people dying in car accidents because they’re drunken.

  5.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  +1

    (it’s spelled booze, for future reference.)

  6.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  --1

    What if Uncle Rick becomes a mass murderer, and his photo becomes household.

  7.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  --3

    Its VERY simillar to south park episode 6-16 My Future Self n’ Me. And i think it wont work, because older kids wont care so much and yunger kids will get over it in 5 or 6 yers and drink anyway.

  8.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  +0

    Was it supposed to be a joke?

  9.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  +0

    wow…. why didnt i think of this…. kinda sounds fun though….

Leave a Reply