Vintage 2001 Scam Baiting

Back by popular demand, here’s my vintage 2001 email correspondence with one of the first actual Nigerian email scammers. It’s a long read but well worth it, if I may say so. And it’s all true, to the word.


The Scam Artist vs.The Idiot

An actual email conversation that took place over the course of two weeks.

The cast is comprised of:





Aaron Obasanjo



played by an unknown scam artist




The idiot



played by Michael Solomon



AARON OBASANJO
EMAIL:a_obasanjo@onebox.com
LAGOS – NIGERIA


Dear Sir,
RE: PRIVATE BUSINESS PROPOSAL


Due to the nature of this transaction, being utterly confidential and of utmost secrecy, I must start by soliciting your strict confidence.

You have been recommended by an associate who assured me in confidence of your ability and reliability to prosecute a transaction of great magnitude involving a pending business transaction requiring maximum confidence.



Let me start by introducing myself. I am AARON OBASANJO, executive director of the Federal Ministry of Power and Steel, executive secretary of the newly constituted contract review panel and the chairman of OIL and GAS Nigeria Ltd. I have a proposal to offer to you, which would be of mutual benefit to all parties involved. It involves investing about US$26,400,000:00 (TWENTY SIX MILLION FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) in your country. Please contact me by email, if you might be interested in the proposal so that we can discuss further.



Expecting your favourable response.



With kind regards,

AARON OBASANJO


N.B;PLEASE WHEN YOU ANSWER QUOTE REFERENCE NO;AO/O1



Aaron,



Yes. I would love to help you out. Please send me more information and I’d be happy to do anything nescessary to get this money. Thanks for choosing me!



Michael Solomon



ATTENTION: MIKE SOLOMON.



Thank you very much for your most timely email response acknowledging reciept of my proposal. After due consultations with my client, we have decided to go ahead with you. This will spell the beginning of a truly rewarding and cherished relationship between us that will bridge our religious and geographical divides. I shall briefly enunciate the process that will be adopted by us to achieve our mutual objective in this project. The undue delay was a result of the fact that, my client had to consult a spiritualist who assured us of your reliability hence our present enthusiasm towards your person. Discussions with other members of her family ad to be held. I would need to use this opportunity to bring you into the full picture of this pending transaction. As regards the information to this transaction, I am obliged to inform you that I am not in this alone but working on my client’s brief who is the originator of this transaction. I have taken time to discuss your response to my client hence my delay in responding to your email. They have given me the go-ahead to intimate you of their pressing need, to go into a business relationship with you. Since we would work together,I wish to introduce myself to you a bit more. I am Dr Aaron Obasanjo a private attorney to the family of late former head of state of the Federal Republic of Nigeria General Sani Abacha. I have been directed by his only surviving widow to seek urgently an associate in your country that will assist the family in receiving a consignment of funds that is currently in the custody of a security/courier company in a West African country. These funds amounting to about US$26.4M was to be used for establishing some businesses . Immediately the late head of state died, things fell apart and there was a terrible probe into the family’s activities. This has made it impossible for any member of the family to as much as lift a finger to move out funds. Then the present Government of President Olusegun Obasanjo started carrying out a personal vendetta on my client’s family, claiming that they looted funds from the Nigerian treasury. I want to point out that these allegations are not only false but also baseless as the late head of state imprisoned the incumbent president of my country in 1995 for plotting a coup, hence the present situation of bad blood.



It is all a personal vendetta against the family of the Abacha’s. Presently, General Abacha’s eldest son Alhaji Mohammed Abacha has been held illegally in detention for the past one year on trumped up murder charges. All their bank accounts have been frozen and most of their known assets expropriated by this current very vindictive government their close relatives and friends are not left out as they are constantly been monitored by our vicious security agencies.



Consequently, we are soliciting your assistance in the collection of the funds which are currently in Nigeria, for onward shipment to Europe, the United states or Canada for safe keeping in your account or investments in fixed interest government securities until the Abacha Family is able to travel out of Nigeria for collection as there is currently a travel ban on them including my humble self. They have proposed that on collection, you will keep 5% of the funds for your kind assistance while 5% will be set aside for expenses that will be incurred during the course of this transaction These expenses include, telephone bills, fax running bills and power bills. Although, for the sake of clarity, you have to let us be aware of such expenses before offsetting. This is for our mutual trust as partners and to allow for good book keeping. If you decide to go into this arrangement, I will proceed to instruct the security/ courier company that you are the sole beneficiary of the consignment and will consequently authorise the company to ship the funds to your designated location for pick up. This is the sole reason why I contacted you in the first place and we are all soliciting your help, assistance and co-operation as regards this business. Arrangements have been made with the security company where the funds are presently kept to arrange with either their representatives in Europe, US or Canada, since they have representatives there, to receive these funds in cash depending on where it is most convenient for you to pick up the cash. If you now decide to go into this arrangement with us, it will be greatly appreciated if you will kindly indicate where will be most convenient for you to pick up the funds and also send to me the following information; your company name, address and your private telephone and fax numbers (home or office) for easy reach and contact. Once we can get this information, we would be able to commence this transaction in earnest as all we have to do is to initiate the movements of the funds from here to you for pick up. All modalities would be taken care of down here. You do not need to spend any money at all. We have taken care of all the loose ends and indulge me when I say that it is totally risk free.



Please as soon as you get this message and you are willing to assist in this transaction, do send to me the information requested so that we can begin with this process. Also if you decide to assist us, I would expect your call later today for us to be able to decide the way forward for this transaction. My confidential telephone line again is 234-1-7593414. You can reach me anytime of the day, but the best times to call me are between 18:00 – 23:00 hours GMT. You can also send the necessary information via E-mail.



Finally, I want to assure you that this transaction is hundred percent risk free and all that is required is mutual trust, honesty and a non-religious adherence to my instructions. The need for confidentiality and secrecy during the course of this transaction, cannot be overemphasised as any breach could impact negatively on the successful outcome of this transaction.



Let me at this juncture mention an african adage that says that, « money that can not be enjoyed does not make one rich » We wish to enjoy this money after transfer hence, when we say it is 100% risk free, we know what we are saying.



Hoping to hear from you soonest.



Best regards,



AARON OBASAJO.



Aaron,



Honestly, I feel truly honorfull to help you and your clients. Just let me know what I need to do.



~Michael Solomon



DEAR MIKE

TOP OF THE DAY TO YOU OVER THERE.THANK YOU FOR THE MAIL AND FOR YOUR
INTEREST IN THIS TRANSACTION WHICH I BELIEVE IS THE BEGINING OF A GREAT
RELATIONSHIP.I SHALL INTIMATE YOU ON WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO DO AFTER
I
MUST HAVE DISCUSSED WITH MY CLIENT YOUR RESPONSE,SO THAT THE
TRANSACTION
CAN BE COMPLETED IN EARNEST
AT THIS JUNCTION I WOULD LIKE TO REASSURE YOU THAT A SINGLE PENNY
WOULD NOT BE REQUIRED FROM YOU AS ALL LEGAL REQUIREMENT WOULD BE TAKEN
CARE OF BY MY CHAMBERS.AGAIN THANKS FOR YOUR WILLINGNESS TO WORK WITH
US


WE REMAIN OBLIGED
AARON OBASANJO



N B:IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT A TRANSACTION OF THIS MAGNITUDE IS
NOT CONFIDENTIAL ENOUGH BY EMAIL IT IS THEREFORE IMPERATIVE THAT YOU
FORWARD TO THE CHAMBERS YOUR CONFIDENTIAL TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS
MINE
ARE ,TEL234 1 7593414 FAX234 1 7593896.



Aaron,


Sorry to be writing you this late, but I can’t sleep
because I can’t stop thinking about this exciting
transaction!


I understand that email is not a safe way for us to
communicate about a financial disclosure of this
magnitude, so i will fax you the information when I
get around to purchasing a fax machiene from a radio
shack that’s nearby where I live.


Thank you again for choosing me to assist your
monitary needs,


Michael Solomon



DEAR MIKE

TOP OF THE DAY TO YOU.PLEASE TRY NOT TO BE OVERCOME BY ANXIETY SO
THAT THIS TRANSACTION CAN BE SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETED.THE INFORMATION I
REQUESTED FOR ARE VERY VITAL FOR THE SUCCESS OF THE TRANSACTION.
PLEASE THE FAX MACHINE SHOULD BE BOUGHT IN EARNEST FOR THERE IS NO
TIME
ON OUR SIDE INFACT WE ARE WORKING AGAINST TIME.PLEASE KINDLY SEND YOUR
COMPANY NAME ,YOUR CONFIDENTIAL TEL AND FAX NUMBERS AND ANY FORM OF
IDENTIFICATION,THIS
COULD BE YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE SO WE COULD KNOW WHO WE ARE DEALING
WITH.PLEASE
BE FAST ABOUT THIS FOR THE IMMEDIATE BEGINING OF THIS PROJECT


AWAITING YOUR PROMPT RESPONSE


WE REMAIN OBLIGED


AARON OBASANJO



Aaron,


I understand the importance of time in our situation,
and I am doing everything possible to expediate the
information to you and your chambers so we can proceed
in earnest.


I just returned from the fax macheine store, where
Rick, the salesman helped me purchase a VERY nice fax
macheine. I told him that I needed a fax macheine and
i needed it fast because I have some VERY important
business to take care of. But he was on the phone and
kept me waiting for 5 minutes!! So I waited.


After that, he showed me the Lexmark P250, which I
liked but it was too cheap( it only cost $129). For
an operation of this type of business venture we are
involved in, I didn’t want to risk the security and
quality of our correspondance with a cheap fax
macheine that might break. So I asked Rick to show me
the best fax macheine, and he showed me the Cannon
XP-3000, and I bought it! It cost me $1,249, but i
know that it is worth it because a correspondance
between you and i of this nature deserves the utmost
quality and importance. I’ve had so much money in my
account since my father passed away, i never thought
i’d be able to spend any of it, but now, i can finally
have peace knowing that my father’s inheritance is
finally being put to good use.


When i figure out how to use the Cannon XP-3000, i
shall fax you all the aforementioned information, but
as of now, I’m only on the second chapter in the
instruction manuel. i’m reading as fast as I can.


sincerely,
Michael Solomon



DEAR FRIEND AND PARTNER,


TOP OF THE DAY TO YOU. I MUST CONFESS THAT WE ARE IMPRESSES WITH YOUR
LEVEL OF COMMITMENT AND UNDERSTANDING SO FAR CONCERNING THIS PROJECT,
WE ARE NOW MORE THAN EVER CONVINCED THAT WE HAVE MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE
IN DOING THIS BUSINESS WITH YOU, WE DO APPRECIATE YOUR SPENDING SO MUCH
TO PURCHASE A STANDARD FAX MACHINE WITH GREAT CAPACITY TO PERFORM AND
WE ASSURE YOU THAT AT THE END OF THIS PROJECT, YOU WOULD NOT REGRET
YOUR
ACTION AND WE WOULD WANT TO APPEAL TO YOU TO KEEP IT UP BECAUSE IF WE
CONTINUE AT THIS RATE, WE WOULD FINISH THIS PROJECT IN ESTIMATED TIME.


I WOULD LIKE ALSO TO APPEAL TO YOU TO BE CALM, PLEASE ENSURE THAT YOU
KEEP THIS DEAL CONFIDENTIAL AND CLOSE TO YOUR HEART AS WE WOULD NOT
WANT
UNSCRUPULOUS PEOPLE TO HIJACK IT FROM US. IN THIS REGARD, I WOULD
REQUEST
THAT YOU CALL ME IMMEDIATELY YOU RECIEVE THIS MESSAGE SO THAT WE COULD
DISCUSS AND GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER MORE, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT FOR US
TO ESTABLISH THE MUCH NEEDED TRUST AND UNDERSTANDING.


NOTE. THAT WE HAVE ALREADY STARTED THE PROCESS OF LEGALISING THIS DEAL,
BUT WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT COMPANY TO USE, YOU COULD GIVE US YOUR COMPANY
NAME OR WE COULD REGISTER A COMPANY OF YOURS HERE WITH YOU AS THE
BENEFICIARY
OF THE FUNDS, THIS IS PART OF THE THINGS WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT WHEN YOU
CALL. IF CALLING IS NOT CONDUSIVE FOR YOU NOW, JUST STATE EXACTLY WHAT
TIME YOU WOULD CALL AS MY CHAMBERS IS NOT CLOSING FOR THE NEXT THREE
HOURS.


THE PHONE NUMBER TO CALL IS 234 1 759 3414


PLEASE REACH ME IMMEDIATELY TO LET ME KNOW YOUR DECISION.


THANKS AND BEST REGARDS,


AARON OBASANJO



Aaron,


I’m still very excited to move this project forward, however I cannot give you a company name to use
because I am currently unemployed. I was fired a
few years ago after my drunk driving accident which
subsequently sent my father to the hospital where his
life ended. I’m also afraid I cannot send you a driver’s liscense because I had my driver’s liscense
taken away after the accient.
Aaron, I tell you this for two reasons.


1: so that we can be totally honest with each other. You have been honest with me in entrusting me with the private matters regarding your client, and I feel that a way to repay you and your honesty is for me to be totally honest myself. I have never told anyone but my close remaining family about my accident. It is something that i am not proud of.


2: I am telling you
this because I can closely relate your client’s situation with overzealous prosecution from the
government. i too, was unjustly prosecuted, so i
understand the feelings of you and your client.
After telling you the truth I hope that you do not
doubt my abilities to carry out this project. I have
confidance in your spirtualist that I am the right man
for the job.
I tried to call your phone number, but it looks like
an international number, and I don’t know how to dial
it. Please clarify this for me.
Do not forget that I am more excited now than I have ever been to work with you and your associates.


Michael Solomon



DEAR FRIEND AND PARTNER,


THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIMELY RESPONSE, WE DO APPRECIATE YOUR HIGH SENSE
OF COMMITMENT, WE DO ALSO APPRECIATE YOUR OBLIGING US WITH SOME PRIVATE
SECRET INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR FAMILY BASED ON TRUST, WE BELIEVE THAT
FOR THIS TRANSACTION TO SUCCEED, WE NEED TO DEVELOP A GREAT LEVEL OF
TRUST AND UNDERSTANDING BETWEEN US TO EFFECTIVELY PROSECUTE THIS
PROJECT.
PLEASE ACCEPT OUR SINCERE SYMPATHY.


NOW MY FRIEND, AS ORIGINATORS OF THIS PROJECT, WE WOULD LIKE TO ASSUME
THAT WE ARE IN A BETTER POSITION TO GIVE ADVISES CONCERNING THIS DEAL,
THAT IS WHY WE WOULD LIKE TO APPEAL TO YOU TO CO-OPERATE AND FOLLOW OUR
INSTRUCTIONS TO THE LETTER, THIS IS IMPORTANT AS WE DO NOT WANT TO MAKE
ANY MISTAKES THAT WOULD JEOPARDISE OUR CHANCES, WE DO NOT DOUBT YOUR
ABILITIES TO PROSECUTE THIS PROJECT AT ALL AS WE HAVE OUR CONVICTIONS
ALREADY, PLEASE JUST TRY TO CALM YOUR ANXIETY AND TRY TO DO AS WE
INSTRUCT
OR DIRECT FOR THE GOOD OF ALL PARTIES.


BY YOUR LAST MAIL, WE WOULD NEED TO REGISTER A COMPANY WITH YOU AS THE
PRESIDENT/C.E.O , THIS MEANS YOU ARE THE BENEFICIARY OF THE FUNDS , THE
SECURITY COMPANY THAT WILL MOVE THE FUNDS DOES NOT DEAL WITH
INDIVIDUALS
BUT CORPORATE COMPANIES THAT IS WHY WE NEED A COMPANY TO REPRESENT YOU.
IN THIS REGARD, WE HAVE CHOSEN TO REGISTER
"SOLOMON’S ENTERPRISES NIGERIA LTD." AS A LIMITED LIABILITY COMPANY
NAME
HERE IN NIGERIA. BY MONDAY 19/03/2001, WE SHALL BE PAYING ALL NECESSARY
REGISTRATION/INCORPORATION FEES AND CHARGES AND AS SOON AS THE
CERTIFICATE
IS OUT WE SHALL BE SENDING IT TO YOU BY FAX. YOU CAN THUS UNDERSTAND
WHY IT IS ABSOLUTELY VERY IMPORTANT THAT WE HAVE YOUR PHONE AND FAX
NUMBER
SO THAT WE CAN SEND YOU NECESSARY INFO. AND DOCUMENTS FROM TIME TO TIME
FOR YOUR PERUSAL AND RECORDS.


DEAR MIKE, AS PER CALLING ME , LISTEN CAREFULLY AND FOLLOW MY ADVISE.


1. I GUESS YOU DO NOT HAVE INTERNATIONAL ACCESS FACILITY ON YOUR
PHONE,IF
YOU DONT, THEN TRY TO GET ONE.


2. IF YOU DO HAVE INTERNATIONAL ACCESS FACILITY ON YOUR PHONE, WHAT YOU
NEED TO DO, IS TO CALL YOUR INTERNATIONAL PHONE OPERATOR AND SAY THAT
YOU WANT TO CALL YOUR FRIEND ABROAD(OUTSIDE YOUR COUNTRY), THAT YOU
NEED
THE INTERNATIONAL DIALING CODE. THERE IS A CODE APPLICABLE IN YOUR
COUNTRY
THAT YOU HAVE TO DIAL BEFORE 234 1 759 3414 . PLEASE AND PLEASE MAKE
SURE THAT YOU DO NOT DISCLOSE THIS DEAL WITH ANYBODY WHATSOEVER EVEN
THE OPERATOR, IF YOU ARE ASKED WHY YOU ARE CALLING NIGERIA, JUST SAY
YOU ARE TRYING TO REACH YOUR FAMILY.


I AM IN THE OFFICE TODAY TO EXPECT YOUR CALL, IF YOU CANNOT GET TO
SPEAK
WITH ME, JUST SEND ME A FAX(DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW TO USE THE MACHINE
NOW?). NOTE THAT IF YOUR CALL GOES THROUGH,ALWAYS ASK HOW IS THE
WEATHER?
AND THE RESPONSE SHOULD BE..VERY POSITIVE. THIS IS IMPORTANT SO THAT
WE CAN BE SURE YOU ARE SPEAKING WITH THE RIGHT PERSON DOWN HERE AND
VICE
VERSA. THE NUMBER TO CALL ONCE AGAIN IS PHONE: 234 1 759 3414 . FAX
: 234 1 759 3896.


DO YOU HAVE ANY FORM OF IDENTIFICATION, IF YOU DO, WE WOULD APPRECIATE
IF YOU OBLIGE US AS WE NEED TO KNOW WHO WE ARE REALLY DEALING WITH AS
WE WOULD NOT WANT ANYBODY TO IMPERSONATE YOU. I HOPE YOU DO UNDERSTAND
PERFECTLY.


PLEASE RESPOND PROMPTLY TO THIS MESSAGE AND INCLUDE YOUR PHONE AND FAX
LINE IN YOUR RESPONSE. TIME AND CONFIDENTIALITY IS OF THE ESSENCE.


WITH KIND REGARDS,
AARON OBASANJO.



Aaron,


Wow! I’m very excited that as of Monday, I will have my own business in your country! Let’s get down to business.


I did some investigating about my phone service, and I was told that I don’t have international access. So, I called my phone company and I arranged for a customer service/installation representitave to come to my house and install a new phone line (that has access to calling Nigeria) and he will also instruct me on how to use it. I’ve already spoken to him by phone, and he seems like a really friendly guy; his name is Rodney.


I can’t wait until Rodney gets my new phone service working so I can finally call up my new business associates in Nigeria, and finally bring this operation forward.


Michael Solomon



DEAR FRIEND AND PARTNER,


I AM DELIGHTED TO HEAR THAT YOU HAVE ALREADY MADE THE MOVE TO GET A
PHONE
WITH INTERNATIONAL DIALING FACILITY, WE ARE LOOKING FORWARD TOO TO
HEAING
FROM YOU AS WE BELIEVE THAT SPEAKING TO YOU WOULD ACTUALLY USHER IN THE
PROJECT PROPER.HOWEVER, WE ARE STILL WONDERING WHY YOU HAVE NOT SENT
YOUR PHONE AND FAX NUMBER TO US. WE NEED TO INCLUDE THESE NUMBERS IN
SOME APPLICATIONS WE MAKE ON BEHALF OF THIS DEAL, I ADVISED EARLIER ON
IN MY LAST MESSAGE THAT YOU TRY AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE TO FOLLOW MY
INSTRUCTIONS
AND DO ACCORDINGLY BUT YOU SEEM TO BE TOO EXCITED THAT YOU ENTIRELY
IGNORE
SOME PARTS OF MY MESSAGES. PLEASE I AM NOT TRYING TO CONTROL OR PUSH
YOU AROUND BUT YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT FOR US TO SUCCEED IN THIS
TRANSACTION,
WE HAVE TO BE CAREFUL AND FOLLOW SOME GUIDELINES. PLEASE TRY TO
UNDERSTAND.


REMEMBER TO ALWAYS KEEP THIS DEAL TO YOUR HEART, WHEN THE DEAL IS
FINALLY
CONCLUDED AND WE ARE SAFE YOU COULD FEEL FREE TO TELL ANYBODY HOW YOU
GOT YOUR RICHES BUT FOR NOW WE NEED TO CARRY IT OUT TO IT’S LOGICAL
CONCLUSION.


EXPECTING YOUR RESPONSE.


BEST REGARDS,
AARON OBASANJO



Aaron,


Bad news. We’ll have to put the project on hold for a few days. I can’t beleive this just happened. I had a glass of water resting on a shelf above my new fax macheine (The Cannon XP-3000) and my x-girlfriend’s dumb cat (which i’m babysitting for while she’s in Canada this weekend) knocked over the glass RIGHT ONTO THE FAX MACHEINE! The water shocked the cat so bad, I had to take him to the animal hospital, and the water shorted out my fax macheine and blew a circut and now my house has no power! I’m writing you this email from my pal Lance’s house, but don’t worry, he’s in the other room and can’t see what I’m typing. I have to go to the hospital in a few minutes to check on the cat, and if this damn cat dies, i’ll have to find a new one by monday, when Denise gets back from canada. I had to leave a note on my door for Rodney, because when he gets to my house, i’ll already be at the hospotal. I’ll get back to you when i have time to check my email again.


I remain obliged,
Michael Solomon



DEAR FRIEND AND PARTNER,


TOP OF THE DAY TO YOU. HOW IS THE CAT DOING, HOPE SHE IS FINE? WE DO
NOT WANT DENISE TO BE UPSET BY THE TIME SHE RETURNS FROM CANADA, SO
PLEASE
SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO. THIS IS IMPORTANT AS WE WOULD NOT WANT YOU TO FACE
ANY KIND OF EMOTIONAL STRESS WHEN THIS DEAL FULLY COMMENCES SO THAT YOU
COULD HAVE FULL CONCENTRATION FOR THE DEAL. JUST BE CAREFULL NEXT TIME
AND PROTECT YOUR EQUIPMENT(S) ADEQUATELY. IT COST SO MUCH, REMEMBER?



PLEASE ENDEAVOUR TO HEED MY REQUEST AND SEND YOUR PHONE AND FAX NUMBER
TO ME, MAYBE I COULD CALL YOU FIRST, THIS IS RISKY AS I HAVE TO GO
THROUGH
THE OPERATOR IN THE COMPLEX WHERE I WORK, BUT I THINK I CAN MANAGE JUST
ONE CALL. PLEASE COMPLY.


REMEMBER ANYTIME YOU CALL ME ALWAYS ASK: HOW IS THE WEATHER? AND THE
ANSWER SHOULD BE "VERY POSITIVE".


EXPECTING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.


WITH KIND REGARDS,
AARON OBASANJO



Aaron,


As it turns out, the cat died. No pet store in the area had another cat like it, so i’ll just have to wait untill tomorrow to see how mad Denise will be. But when I was in the hospital, I was talking to my friend Jeremy and he mentioned that he too had recently bought a new fax macheine. I asked him why he bought it, and he said he couldn’t tell me because it was confidential. When I asked him a second time, he winked at me, and then nodded. Then he changed the subject. Aaron, this brings doubts that I am the only one selected for this operation. Who was the associate that told you to contact me in the first place? I suspect it was Jeremy, and I don’t appreciate you undercutting my importance in this mission. Even if it wasn’t Jeremy, I do not think I can proceed untill I know who told you to contact me about this deal. It could be anyone, and I can’t continue to not trust each of my associates, especially Jeremy. And if the spiritualist can verify my dedication to the job, then why can’t she guess my phone number and address?


Having doubts,
Michael



DEAR FRIEND,


TOP OF THE DAY TO YOU. I MUST NOT FAIL TO SAY HOW SORRY WE ARE AND
SYMPATIZE
WITH YOU ON THE DEATH OF YOUR CAT, WE ARE INDEED VERY SORRY AND WE HOPE
YOU ARE ABLE TO EXPLAIN TO DENISE AND CALM HER AND CONSOLE HER.


DEAR MIKE, I MUST CONFESS TO YOU THAT I WAS SO UPSET BY YOUR RECENT
INSINUATIONS
AND ACCUSATIONS THAT I SAID NOT TO RESPOND TO YOU AGAIN BUT AFTER
CAREFUL
DELIBERATIONS WITH MY PARTNERS AND OUR CLIENT, WE FEEL IT IS OUR DUTY
TO EXPLAIN TO YOU FOR MORE CLARIFICATIONS. FIRST OF ALL YOU MUST
UNDERSTAND
THAT WE ARE DOING A PROFESSIONAL WORK HERE AND WE STAND TO BE PAID OUR
PROFESSIONAL FEES AND WE WOULD NOT LEAVE OUR DUTIES TO COME AND ENGAGE
IN SOME KIND OF CHILD’S PLAY AS YOU WANT TO MAKE THIS LOOK LIKE.


FOR THE AVOIDANCE OF DOUBT, LET ME SAY HERE THAT NEITHER I AND ANY
OTHER
PARTNER IN THIS HONOURABLE CHAMBERS NOR MY CLIENT HAS HAD, IS HAVING
ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOUR JEREMY OR WHATEVER YOU CALL HIS NAME. WE HAVE
DEALT WITH YOU AND YOU ALONE ALL THIS WHILE AND WE DO NOT HAVE ANY
CONTRARY
INTENSIONS EXCEPT YOU TELL US THAT YOU DO NOT WANT TO CONTINUE WITH THE
DEAL, THEN AND ONLY THEN CAN WE LOOK FOR ANOTHER.


HOW CAN YOU SEE A MERE COINCIDENCE OF BUYING A FAX MACHINE AS A REASON
TO BRING THIS CAREFULLY THOUGHT OUT SCHEME SO LOW, YOUR FRIEND MIGHT
HAVE BOUGHT THE MACHINE FOR GOD KNOWS WHAT, WE ARE NOT UNDERCUTTING
YOUR
IMPORTANCE AS YOU CLAIM BUT WE EVEN BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE EVEN SORT OF
BLACKMAILING US BECAUSE WE BELIEVE AS OUR SPIRITUALIST SAY THAT YOU ARE
THE ONE FOR US TO TRUST AND DO THIS WITH, BUT THAT IS CHEAP BLACKMAIL.


FOR CLARITY PURPOSES, MY CLIENT GOT YOUR CONTACT FROM ONE OF HIS
FRIENDS
WHO HAPPENS TO WORK WITH ONE OF OUR FOREIGN MISSIONS(SPECIFICALLY THE
CHAMBER OF COMMERCE AND INDUSTRY)THAT IS THE BEST WE CAN DISCLOSE AS
WE DO NOT INTEND FOR ANY REASON(S) TO DISCLOSE CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION
AS THIS IS AGAINST PROFESSIONAL ETHICS BUT WE DO KNOW AND WE ARE VERY
CERTAIN THAT IT WAS NOT FROM YOUR SO CALLED JEREMY OR ANY OTHER PERSON
CLOSE TO YOU.


FOR THE AVOIDANCE OF ANY DOUBTS, PLEASE TRY HARDER TO GET MORE
INFORMATION
FROM YOUR FRIEND ABOUT HIS REASON FOR GETTING A FAX MACHINE AND YOU
WOULD
SEE THAT IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME,MY FELLOW PARTNERS AND MY CLIENT.
YOUR FRIEND MIGHT EVEN BE INVOLVED WITH SOMEBODY ELSE IN THIS SIMILAR
SITUATION WHO NEEDS ASSISTANCE BUT CERTAINLY NOT US. WHATEVER YOU DO
, PLEASE MAKE SURE NOT TO DISCLOSE MY CLIENT’S IDENTITY AS A
SEARCHLIGHT
IS STILL ON HIS FAMILY.


AFTER ALL SAID AND DONE, WE HERE DO HAVE A SECOND THOUGHT ABOUT YOUR
ABILITY TO PRESERVE THE CONFIDENTIAL NATURE OF THIS TRANSACTION AS YOU
ALLOW EXCITEMENT TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOU. IF YOU ARE STILL INTERESTED
IN THIS TRANSACTION THEN YOU HAVE TO CHANGE. WE HAVE TAKEN TIME TO
EXPLAIN
THE SITUATION TO YOU AS IT IS, IF YOU BELIEVE FINE, OTHERWISE THERE IS
NOTHING MUCH WE COULD DO IN THE CIRCUMSTANCE.


IS THIS WHY YOU HAVE NOT SENT YOUR PHONE NUMBER FOR US TO COMMUNICATE?
OR YOU ARE JUST RAISING EXCUSES HERE AND THERE. IF YOU WANT TO DO THIS
WITH US LET US BEGIN OTHERWISE LET’S STOP WASTING EACH OTHER’S TIME.
THE CHOICE IS YOURS.


EXPECT TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.


BEST REGARDS,
AARON



Aaron,


I’m sorry for being hostile in my last email. Understandably so, I was upset becase of the cat. Thank you for your kind wishes for me and Denise, although now she’s refusing to talk with me because of what happened with the cat. This business deal that you and I have is all I’ve got going for me right now. Thanks again, I really appreciate your choosing me.


Since the mentalist said I’m the chosen one, I’ve been feeling much more powerful lately. Last night I sat at my table for 3 hours and tried to move things with my mind, and although the feather did move a tiny bit, I think it was from the ceiling fan.


I talked with Jeremy, and you were right. He bought the fax macheine for his new job at the post office, not because you told him to. I’m feeling much more confidant in this deal, and I’m sorry it took me so long to finally trust you, Aaron.


I’m also excited because I got an email from a company in California that chose me (out of hundreds of others!) to test sneakers for them. All I have to do is give them my credit card number to pay for shipping, and they said they’d ship me 15 pairs of shoes to test, absolutely free, and I get to keep the shoes! This is great, because I’ve always felt that I’m good at knowing a good pair of shoes when I see one. But don’t worry, I don’t tell these people about our special deal. I haven’t told anyone, and that’s how I plan to keep it.


I remain obliged,
Michael



DEAR MIKE,


NOW THAT YOU SEEM TO HAVE COME TO TERMS WITH YOURSELF, WHAT IS THE WAY
FORWARD? YOU HAVE NOT TOLD ME ANYTHING POSITIVE FOR A WHILE NOW. AFTER
YOU BOUGHT YOUR FAX MACHINE, YOU SAID YOU NEEDED JUST A LITTLE WHILE
TO STUDY THE MANUAL AND THEN AFTERWARDS YOU WILL CALL, HAVE YOU NOT
FINISHED
STUDYING, OR HOW DO YOU THINK WE COULD GO ON WITH THIS DEAL WITHOUT
COMMUNICATING
PROPERLY. THIS E-MAIL KIND OF COMMUNICATION LIKE I TOLD YOU BEFORE IS
NOT TOTALLY SAFE, OR DONT YOU HAVE A PHONE AND FAX LINE, IF WE HAVE TO
CONTINUE THIS PROJECT LET US HAVE YOUR PHONE AND FAX LINE.


I HAVE WORD FROM OUR CONTACT THAT THE REGISTRATION OF YOUR COMPANY
"SOLOMON’S
ENTERPRISES (NIG.) LTD. IS IN IT’S FINAL STAGE AND THE DOCUMENTATIONS
WILL BE OUT, HOW ON EARTH DO WE SEND THESE DOCUMENTS TO YOU?


LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS. WE EXPECT YOU TO SEND THESE INFORMATION
WHEN
NEXT YOU RESPOND, RIGHT?


WE REMAIN OBLIGED,
AARON



Aaron,


I think this is the end of our business deal. Do you
remember that company in California that said they
would ship me 15 pairs of shoes in exchange for my
credit card number? Well, it turns out it was a
SCAM!!! Yesterday I needed to pay for the cremation
of the cat with my credit card and it was denied. I
thought, whoah! hold on a second! I thought it was a
mistake because I had over $375,000 in that account
(from when my dad died). I called Visa, and they said
that somebody in california was pretending to be me
and bought 3 new cars and thousands of dollars worth
of sterio equiptment!!!!
So, I immediately contacted the police (I’ve been in
the police station for the past 7 hours) and they’re
starting a full investigation into this whole mess.
aparantly, when somebody steals over $100,000 dollars,
it becomes a federal crime, so tomorrow somebody from
the FBI is coming to talk with me. the only thing I
have from the scam artist is an email address, but the
police said that they can almost always track a person
from an email address.
But for now, i don’t have the time to own a company in
nigeria, i hope you understand Mr Obasanjo. thanks
for all you’ve done for me; i really appreciate it.


~Michael


Comments (26)

  1.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

    ok was this person just playing along or where they serious?

  2.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

    dude, i liked what you did, especially the part about moving feather.

    I would have called that guy in nigeria(even if it would cost few bucks), just to see how he is gonna sound like.

    sorry to hear about the cat, you could have Fedex’ed the cat to nigerian spiritualist, he would have fixed it.

  3.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

    Oh man that was good stuff. Your last two emails were perfect. Especially the last one that likely put the fear of God in them. LOL. Props to ya though I don’t think I would have had the patience to do all that.

  4.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

    I still can’t figure the technology of this scammery…

    HOW on Earth would it help th nigerean guy to get the money off a guy is he knows address, name etc….

    Please explain.

    I get these stupid requests from Nigeria by packs, and 10kb per day… :)

  5.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

    http://www.zoominfo.com/Search/PersonDetail.aspx?PersonID=67303287#ref67303287

  6.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

    A question I always wanted to ask: how come and those Nigerian spammers speak so perfect and high profile English?

    On the other side of the keyboard, what a stupendous idea is this? Surely, you don’t Fedex cats around, no? At least, not if you already spend so much nice money to buy a brand new fax, in which case you simply fax the cat to the receiver.

    And yes, your treatment of this spammer was brilliant. All obstacles seemed natural and clever. The idea of a friend Jeremy having also bought a fax, or the damage to the fax, very clever!! And the diamond of them all: a similar unique choice from Canada!!!!

    Can I copy your method on the next spammer to breath close to me?

  7.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

    Thanks Lafazanis – feel free to do anything you’d like with my writing. Just don’t eat it.

  8.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

    Wicked….

  9.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

    Man! I love it! I would do something like that too, but I don’t think it would be a good idea, because somehow these things always go wrong for me…

  10.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

    i love sex

  11.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

    Poor scammers, how hard they suffer from Idiots. You was too unkind to him, he is to slap you with a suit!

    Amazing dialog. I especially like your intended misprints (“he showed me…”). It inspired me in my own negotiations with a guy who asked me to sell him my website for $100 :)

  12.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

    pee pee and enjoy

  13.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

    Quite a while ago I read this post and it got me inspired. After reading it I went through my junk-email box looking for something perfect, I found it, and was wondering if you would like to post it, if so, reply to drvinginshlagin@hotmail.com and I will attach it and send it to you,
    One of many fans,
    Ryan

  14.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

    Supply and demand.

    There will always be a supply of stupid for the Nigerians to demand from.

  15.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

    You all are crazy. You talk as if all Nigerians are scammers. Only a stupid person will blame a whole nation for something that is done by less than 0.01% of the total population. For christ sake Nigeria have a resident population of 150000000.

  16.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

    I am in pain from laughing so much. Have not had a laugh in many years like now. In all honesty, I am an African (South Africa) but left South Africa many years ago BECAUSE……of the NIGERIANS taking over everywhere in South Africa. DRUGS, ROBBERIES, RAPES, MURDERS, FRAUD, SCAMS, you name it, they do it. I was robbed by 3 Nigerians two days before leaving South Africa for good. And guess what, it happened in my drive-way.

  17.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

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  18.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

    Good one mate!!
    I just had a email from someone saying similar things I googled scams and your blog just came up …… I’m in tears of laughter!
    How foolish do these people think we are.? I commend u on the above thumbs up! Your sense of humour is spot on lol

  19.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

    Good for you to waste their time. I just started getting these kind of e-mails.

    I respond back using the name Idanott Stewiepitts (I’m not stupid) telling them I’m homeless and I live in cardboard boxes with my kitty cat. When asked for an address I send them various address and phone number of law enforcement agencies and ask them to please call me.

    When asked for ID I tell them I have a cat tattoo on my right foot, a scar over my cheekbone, and front teeth are missing.

    When asked for my occupation I tell them I’m homeless because the bank kicked me out of my trailer.

    After I started responding in this manner the e-mails have decreased.

    Hope none of these Vultures have plucked your feathers and dined on your bones. That what they are Vultures and Roaches.

  20.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

    I can’t stop laughing…I will subscribe you!

  21.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

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  26.  Rate Comment Up Rate Comment Down  error|1

    Aaron,
    How patience you are with these “xxxholes” but this is perfect. The majority of these idiots are always out of the country, or the UK, etc.
    But, am wondering, exactly how many people fell for scam like this! Very unfortunate because a lot of people would believe anything and ended up getting ripped off something terrible.
    Lets say, if these idiots get only 1 million people to reply and fell for their B.S. emails out of say 2 millions, and somewhere in their B.S. scams they only asked for $1 for some sort of B.S. say shipping/handling/insurance, etc. and if only 1 million people out of 2 millions fell for it, then these scammers easily MADE $1 million without much effort at all but the B.S. soliciting emails that only a person that have nothing but time on their hands to reply.
    Thanks! I had a great laugh!

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